RADIOACTIVE BOY STRIKES AGAIN!!!!!!!

Hi all once again as per usual i forgot to update my blog but finally got around to it so here's whats happened since i last talked to you. To be honest i really haven't had much to talk about thats why i haven't spoken to y'all or kept this updated but i'll try and remember what has happened and once again try and update this thing as regularly as possible.

Well it's been about three weeks since i had my plaster removed and god was that a good day, apart from the fact that i found out i had mould (eww) growing on my foot from all the sweat and stuff but its all good the most annoying part about having the plaster come off is the fact that the skin is still three weeks later peeling off but its all good. when the plaster was first removed and i put my foot down on the ground it was such a weird feeling all these new sensations that my foot had been dulled to had suddenly come back it was actually painful in a way cause i was so used to the cast being on that my foot wasn't used to having pressure put on it... but the doctors seemed to think that it is healing well have to go back in about three weeks for final check up to make sure it has healed properly then life will be sweet.

I've come to the decision while being up here that i need to actually do something with my life and RG you might even be proud of me im actually thinking (seriously thinking) about going to uni up here and doing a bachelor of the arts and business degree to finally get somewhere in life and not have to be a barman for god knows how long. unfortunately that means that i am leaving behind all my dear and close friends for a long long time but i'll come and visit (might even make an appearance at not this toybox but the next) i need my gayness people god thats been the hardest thing to be honest the little amount of gays that are where im living they're there but they are just too damn scared to show anything for fear of being ostracised by the community. But i think this is something i need to do a lot of people didnt expect to complete grade twelve but i did it (took me three goes but i got there in the end) and i bet a lot of people would have been thinking that i would just do bar and not try and accomplish anything but i want to prove them wrong i to be honest don't want to turn out like my father and do nothing with my life till im over 40 stuck in dead end jobs then just finally go to uni when its almost too late. i need some stability in my life if i am going to be up here (plus some of the uni boys are hot hot hot and i havent had any action in a looooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggg time) but enough of that just a little hello from me to say that:-
GUYS I REALLY AM MISSING YOU DEARLY YOU HAVE NO IDEA I MISS THE FUN THAT WE HAD TOGETHER I MISS THE LAUGHS AND THE DANCING AND I MISS JUST BEING AROUND YOU OR KNOWING THAT I COULD GO AND SEE YOU WHENEVER I WANTED I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU AND I WANT A SPECIAL MESSAGE TO GO OUT TO EACH OF YOU SO HERE GOES.

RADIOACTIVE GIRL:- BABE YOU ARE A ONE IN A MILLION PERSON YOU ARE ABLE TO BRING A SMILE TO MY FACE WHENEVER I THINK OF YOU I MISS YOUR OUT THERE PERSONALITY BORDERING ON HEY IM BETTER THEN EVERYONE ELSE BUT I LOVED THAT ABOUT YOU YOU MADE ME FEEL MORE CONFIDENT ABOUT MYSELF SO KICK A LEAF FOR ME BABE CAUSE I THINK IT MIGHT BE A LONG TIME BEFORE I SEE YOU AGAIN MISS YOU GIRL SO MUCH IT HURTS GIVE ME A CALL SOMETIME LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU.

NEUTRON BOY (JOSHY):- YOU AND ME STARTED OUT ON THE WRONG FOOT AND FOR A LONG TIME I COULDNT TRUST YOU BUT YOU DID NOTHING WRONG AT ALL YOU JUST WERE YOU AND I KNOW THAT THE PERSON TO BLAME FOR ALL OF THIS CAN'T EVEN GET HIS OWN LIFE ON TRACK SO I'M GLAD THAT I GOT AWAY FROM HIM AND THAT WE MADE UP AND BECAME REALLY CLOSE YOU ARE A TRUE ANGEL IN DISGUISE YOU KNOW I LOVE LAUGHING WITH YOU AND I LOVED THE TRIP RG AND I TOOK DOWN TO YOUR PLACE WAS JSUT THE PERFECT THING FOR US I THINK AND I THINK IT MADE YOU FEEL THAT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO COME ALL THE WAY IN THAT WE WOULD ACTUALLY MAKE THE EFFORT TO GO AND SEE YOU. I MISS THE WAY YOU JUST CAME OUT WITH THAT BIZARRO SHIT THAT YOU COME OUT WITH I JUST MISS YOU THATS ALL I CAN SAY AT THIS POINT. LOVE YOU :-)

rg if you could pass this on to mr b i would be really appreciative

PROTON BOY WITH THE ATOM VAN (MR BRI):- GIRL WE HAVEN'T KNOWN EACH OTHER THAT LONG BUT WE JUST CLICKED THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE CHEMISTRY OF SORTS BUT I THINK IT FIZZLED OUT IN THE END CAUSE WE REALIZED THAT WE WERE BETTER AS FRIENDS THAN WE WOULD HAVE BEEN AS ANYTHING ELSE. YOU WERE MY ROCK IN TIMES OF NEED MY SHELTER FROM THE STORM THE TWO TIMES I KNOW THAT I HURT SO SO MUCH YOU WERE THERE AND ALL YOU NEEDED TO DO WAS GIVE ME A HUG AND EVERYTHING TURNED OUT ALRIGHT I MISS YOUR HUMOUR I MISS YOUR SMILE I MISS YOU THERE'S NO TWO WAYS ABOUT IT YOU ARE A TRULY SPECIAL PERSON I LOVE YOU DEARLY AND I CAN'T WAIT TO TALK TO YOU SOON.

NUCLEAR MAMA (MISS JEN):- DARLS YOU ARE SUCH A SWEET SWEET PERSON YOU CAME AND SAW ME PERFORM WITHOUT EVEN REALLY KNOWING ME YOU LET ME DO ANYTHING AND NOT JUDGE ME I MISS YOU A LOT GIRL YOU HAVE NO IDEA I KNOW THAT WE HAD ONLY KNOWN EACH OTHER A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME BUT IT FELT LIKE A LOT LONGER. YOU WERE MY DISCO MUM (HOPE YOU DONT MIND ME CALLING YOU THAT) BUT YOU WERE YOU LOOKED AFTER ME YOU TOOK CARE OF ME YOU HELPED ME WHEN I WAS LOW (HEHE) MISS YOU HEAPS GIRL MISS YOU ALOT.

emma this is for your flatmate d

REACTOR MAN (MR D):- YOU AND I TO BE HONEST HAVEN'T REALLY GOTTEN TO KNOW EACH OTHER THAT WELL BUT I CAN SEE SOMETHING SPECIAL INSIDE OF YOU THAT MAKES ME KNOW THAT YOU ARE REALLY A GUY THAT DESERVES SPECIAL ATTENTION AND YOU DESERVE THE RESPECT AND FRIENDSHIPS THAT YOU HAVE I LIKE THE FACT THAT YOU ARENT JUDGEMENTAL YOU KNOW HOW TO HAVE A GOOD TIME BUT ALSO WHEN TO SAY ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. TAKE CARE HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON.

there we go guys a special message to all of you hope you like em love you all so so much talk to you soon

RADIOACTIVE BOY

Missing you

It's been almost two and a half weeks that i have been up in Qld and it actually hasn't been too bad i suppose i've been getting a lot of rest and relaxation that i have needed for quite a while. My friends know what i turned into and it sickens me to think that i had become that, but also, i think that i needed to turn into that person to realise how much or how little i had and who really was my friend and who was just there for the sake of being there.

It's been two and a half weeks since i broke my foot and the doctor thinks that it is healing fine and that i will be my usual self again in another two and a half weeks, but will i? Will the old me resurface again or will it be a new me like a phoenix rising from its ashes, will i evolve and change into something magical and beautiful like i first was when i came down to sydney naive and starry eyed.

It's been two and a half weeks since i have seen any of my friends OR HEARD FROM THEM FOR THAT MATTER! and i don't know what to think the only two people who i have actually talked to are RD and Miss J are they the people who truly believe that what i am doing is for the better part of me. Miss EB and Mr J said we'll keep in touch and we'll check on your blog but neither of you have done so, i didn't even rate a mention on Miss EB's blog... What's the go, i thought that all the fun that we had together and all the times where we tooted and laughed meant something hopefully they did i know that i haven't rung either of them either but that's not what i am getting at, Miss J is the only one who has rung apart from Mr AM but it's been so long since i have heard from those that say that they called themselves my best friends that i've begun to think that Sydney wasn't for me... that doesn't mean that i won't be back but it could also mean that i may just forget sydney and move on looking back at my time in Sydney as a learning curve a very expensive learning curve but a learning curve all the same.

It's been two and a half weeks since i laid in the arms of the man that i think means more then the world to me at the moment tho i don't know either... love is a funny thing it can blind you to what is going on around you but can open your eyes to so many other amazing and wonderful things... The one person that is constantly on my mind the one person who's gentle touch and kisses still linger on my skin and lips leaving him i think was the hardest thing that i have ever done for a long time, when my last boyfriend and i split my heart was torn in two but my heart healed again but to leave someone you care about with so many things unsaid is harder a tear has been made in my heart that is taking a long time to heal and that i don't believe will heal till i see him again. RD would be the only reason i would come back to Sydney at the moment, it feels like my friends have forgotten me and i can always get another job but is he a good enough reason to come back i believe he is, but i also need more then that at the same time.

It's been two and a half weeks that i have been up in Qld and its also been two and a half weeks of my mother nagging me that i should move back up here that will never happen because don't feel like Qld is home anymore but i don't have a home anywhere at the moment. So do i move on to another city or do i stay up here for a while and finally get off of my arse and save to go overseas like i have always wanted. so many thoughts so many options that my vision is blurring i don't know what to do yet at the same time i do. so to all those that love me know that i am missing you heaps and RING ME OR DO SOMETHING YOU"VE GOT ALL OF MY CONTACT DEATAILS...

R x

Broken Wings

Hey All i've finally gotten off my arse well i should say am stuck on my arse to sit down and write more on my blog. As most of you know but some of you might not i'm back in QLD due to an accident that i had on Wednesday night. For those that don't just know that i will be back this isn't the end of me just a new beginning what happened on Wednesday night was fate telling me to take a step back and put things into a new perspective.

What happened that night caused a huge change in me and one other person... it may have seemed insignificant to someone watching but to us it bought us that much closer together. The reason i have moved back to Qld is that while i was with RD i decided to go and get some drinks for us Miss Gina had visited us and we had run out of mixers for the drinks she supplied us so i went downstairs to get some more. i was happy i was bouncey a little too bouncey for the last three stairs of his apartment and jumped down them to land wrongly on the side of my foot, two cracks later a trip to the hospital and xrays showed that ihad broken the 5th metatasal in my left foot quite badly with the possibility of it needing to be pinned into place. so here i am in qld leg in a cast (which now i know drives people crazy) on crutches away from the one person who i truly love and i feel that he feels the same now that i am not there. we were only talking of my moving back to Qld to sort myself out and put things into perspective that night then the incident happened.

When i told my parents what had happened my father decided to drive down to sydney with a friend of the family to pick me up and take me home. so that gave me about 36hrs to say goodbye to everyone i could which was very hard due to me not having any credit on my phone but i managed to gather a few people together my close friends to say goodbye to with drinks at the Shift we didn't get very long together as my father and family friend arrived soon after but we did. So off i went to finish checking if i had everything when the phone rang and it was RD saying how much he would miss me the end of the conversation was what now hurts the most but makes me even more determined to come back. He told me he loved me and that this wasn't going to be the end, he also recommended i listened to a song called Broken Wings and if it is the song that i have been listening to makes that even more real. If you get the chance listen to it cause its a beautiful song.

so in the car i hopped and grabbed my dads phone to check my voicemail messages to find that i had another message from RD almost in tears saying that he is going to miss me so much and to just get better. 15 hours later i am in Qld hot as hell and missing everyone like crazy i love you all this is not the end of me or of Boy Nancy we will be back just you wait.

Ciao for now

xx

Back from holiday's and god am i not rested

Hi all, sorry to have not updated my blog but i wanted to wait till i had something decent to say and enough of it to tell.

Well i made it back from Queensland alive, not without more drama's which have made me realise that i can't go on holiday's if i have to travel anywhere, as i don't have much luck with transport it seems... So i'll fill you in on what happened to me to cause drama's for me coming home.

To start with money was running very very tight as i had no money coming in from work at all, so i was relieved when a family friend said she would drive me down to Brisbane when she went to work, so that saved me some dollars. I for some god forsaken reason woke up at 5am and just couldn't get back to sleep so i thought i would go and grab some breakfast and get ready for the two hour trip to Brissy.

I jumped on a train to roma street station and decided that i really didn't feel like carrying around 20kg's of luggage for the nxt 4 hours so i hired a locker to keep my stuff in which made money even tighter still, then ofcourse what should happen but one of my bags bursts open. Fantastic, just the way i wanted to start the trip home, so i frantically was trying to gt a hold of people to try and borrow or get money that was owed to me off of anyone down in sydney only to have no-one answer my calls, or even send me a text back to say that they couldn't so i had $15 left which was basically enough to get me to brissy airport. Then i decided it was time to bite the bullet and call a manager from work to try and borrow some money off of her, S was more then happy to lend me the money and said that she would put $30 in my account straight away, about an hour later i received a call saying that the money had been deposited and to have a safe flight back so off to the ATM i hopped only to find out that my account had been overdrawn by $53. just great i'm at brisbane airport and have about $4 left to my name so i again frantically called people in sydney to try and help me out but again no answer, then the inevitable happens going through my phone i was in a not too happy mood trying to find someone that had a car that could possibly pick me up from the airport, when smash i drop my phone and it falls apart, putting it back together and turning it on only to find "INSERT SIM", so i thought FUCK IT threw my phone in my bag and stormed off to sit down and wiat for my boarding call.

Of course when i made it back to Sydney it happened to be the hottest day of the year being around 40 degrees at 4:30 in the afternoon and i was stranded at sydney airport. So i rang my parents and borrowed yet some more money off of them which they weren't exactly pleased about, but did it anyway.

so here i am back in sydney thinking i was nice and relaxed and everything well it only took me a few hours to do the things i'd gone up to QLD to get away from and i was out partying away to Dan Murphy. Then i decided to find out what my roster for the weekend was like. Well, it went a little something like this Friday - 9pm til 6am, Sat - 7:30am til 1:00pm, Sat Night - 1:00am til 6:00 am, Sun - 7am til 12:00pm, Sun 5pm til 7pm, Sun night 9pm til 2am, then monday 8am til 2:15pm, so to say i was a little tired was just a bit of an undersatatement. We also had to work out between myself and i what shifts we could do lighting wise at M. Well i don't know how it happened but i got evry single public holiday the 27th the 31st the 1st and the 2nd (don't worry Dan i will still make the party have said to J & C that i'm doing the early shift and thats that i aint missing this one for the life of me)... but its too bad if i actually wanted to enjoy part of that weekend cause of some idiot who doesn't want to be there making himself unavailable. But it gets even better, i wanted to cut back my shifts at my place of employment cause i was overworking myself and not getting enough sleep. i originally only wanted to do one shift a fortnight but realised that it was a bit unfair and well the money would come in handy so i agreed with J that i would do 2 every second sunday and on alternate weeks monday's, well after our little discussion i ended up with three shifs a fortnight all because this certain someone wanted to have one day a weekend where he could 'Sleep In", well i ask you when is my chance to actually get rest on the weekend he has a normal day job during the week so it doesn't put him out doing day work but i come straight from my other job and generally have to rely on certain things to get through the weekend meaning i don't save any money at all, and i am exhausted for the entire week afterwards only to do it all again the following weekend, so i'm sorry if this has turned into a rant but god i needed it, cause i personally think it sucks.

But i will end on a high note, Saturday Dan you absolutely rocked had an absolute ball working with you at M, loved everything you did, then Saturday night at the shift i actually remembered how much fun and how great actually was Chip, you are a legend, i had a smile on my face the entire time you were djing. then to hear Dan again at A after a really really really hideous night for myself and frog at the S, which i won't even go into it was that bad, really made my night thanks guys

Love you all take care be good be safe
ciao
xox

day 2 of my substance free holiday

Well it's the end of day two in my substance free holiday and the mood swings have already started but i expected them too. I ended up sleeping most of today so that was alright but i have on more then a couple of occasions bitten my mum's head off over nothing but she know's that and expects it and she knows that I love her dearly and its just the illegal things coming out of my system that are making me act like a spoilt brat but ohh well thats what you get when you take these things nasty little come downs when you take yourself as far away from it as possible.

Today was pretty lack luster slept most of the day, watched a nice big tunderstorm with hail come over was pretty darn funky, not camp just funky, then cooked myself some of my gaybo famous pancakes drizzled in maple syrup, yum yum yum.

I decided that it was high time I went through my room and was cleaning out my drawers in which i found a lot of the clothes I had wanted to wear damn it lol when out falls a picture of my ex, ashley, god i loved that boy tho it was only a love that lasted 3 weeks but he was the first ever guy that had ever taken an interest in my and he was stunning well i thought he was others didn't but you can decide for yourselves and also have a look what i looked like when i was 18...God i looked so young and naive don't I, look at me now I'm a queen that will stand up for himself swears like crazy and can hold his substances with some of the best well I think I can and that's all that counts. Moving on from there i also found a few other things that made me sit down and go wow look at how far I've come with my life and what I have achieved. The next thing i found was a newspaper clipping my mum took for me of a really good friend of mine from high school getting married to her high school sweet heart, pictured below. Plus her hubby is a bit of a spunk as well.


T was a true friend, she knew I was gay before I had even realised it myself and was just waiting for the time when I finally did realise it that she stepped forward and showed her true self a loving caring person who had all the time in the world for me. So i decided to check the local phone book to see if i could find them. It wasn't hard all i had to do was find the first B & T and there they were so on the phone i hopped and ended up chatting to her for like 20 minutes which was good cause we haven't seen each other in nearly 3 years and we are having a mini school reunion on Thursday with a few other of our friends going to see Harry Potter, but it also made me realise are they still the same people that I knew in High School. T & B have a 2 year old son and another of my friends has a 6 month old boy. I know that I have changed and i know its for the better but have i changed so much that we can't seem to click T and I will always be friends but the rest i don't know... anyways that is enough for tonight, farewell all take care have fun be safe love you all.

Mwah :-)

What a day

Well what a day to start a blog on but its perfect for it. It's the start of my holiday in Qld for 9 days and not that you could call it a holiday cause it's been so stressful but good at the same time. It all started last night was trashily at manacle till 9pm last night just chatting with a few of my friends (i finished work there at midday however and we were basically the only people there) the music was good and i was in good company.

Leaving there i was passing stoners when i decided to pop in for a looksie, charged five dollars at the door but in the end it was worth every single cent and i wish that i could have given more cause i actually had a really fun night there. The night was a fundraiser for polly to get her teeth fixed was full of campness and enjoyment with performances by some very popular and great drag queens like stacii and vanity (who by the way blew me away with her wizard of oz performances). But moving on from there i actually met a really great guy there, J, very cute and quite a great kisser and was trying all night to get me to smile, which i did do in the end, but he was a sweet boy very camp and gay but hey aren't we all.

From there i hit the shift to grab my tips from the previous night, as soon as we arrived Logan (my boss) goes to me you look like death, gee thanks Logan love yah only a friend would tell you that and hey i know i did had a drink with Sue cause she wanted to celebrate me being on hols which was nice it's good to know that you are loved and appreciated in you work place, hell i wanna be i've been there nearly 20 months lol. Unfortunately i didn't stay for my entire drink cause clumsy me was laying on J when i tried to get up and knocked it over that should of been a warning of things to come.

Well I'll leave the events that happened after leaving the shift cause well you know what happened, but finally got to sleep and was woken up by a beautiful boy, when i heard the music for murder she wrote on the tv and then i knew i was in trouble.. i'd slept in due to my alarm not working, well slept in would be an understatement i woke up when my flight to Qld was leaving... Shit shit shit shit shit... i then had to ring my mum (love you) to tell her she was unhappy especially cause she had to fork out and extra $124 for a new flight so i finally thought i was on my way but no thats not the end of it.

I finally made it back to my place and got packing and all that kind of stuff and left there around 4 to get tot he airport for a 5pm flight, never again got held up by the fucking rail network and didn't get to the airport till 4:45 which meant that i had missed being able to check in, there goes another $50 for a rebooking but at least i was there. I thought holidays were meant to be stress free well this one has been stress from the get-go but i'm finally in Qld and am starting to relax and will see you all in about a week and a half will be back in time to hear Dan at stoners on the 7th Dec so that will be a great welcome home treat... love you all take care and have fun, you GAYBO's